The 0.000002%

There are many reasons for the lengthy absence from this blog. There have been ups and there have been downs, but fear not! The SuperCamp is still here. What follows is one of the big Downs since my last entry.....

The Supercamp is fine as a project in my head. The only arbiter to it's success, failure or possibility is me. I can dream a dream, bounce it off this blog and everything is possible. The problem is that if I want this dream to ever leave storage and actually sail the highways, there are quite a few hoops to jump through. Hoops that care not for vehicular romanticism or overblown sentiment.  

These hoops only care for hard facts.

"Do the wheels stay on?"
"What are wheels, but the waves upon which my dream sails?"

"Is there more than 25% difference in braking power between the two front brakes?"

"How can you quantify love?"

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

"But my exact employment isn't in your drop down menu"

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

"You're not listening..."

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

These hoops are anti-dreams and buzz-killers.

My main gripe is with insurance companies. I have spent an inordinate amount of time entering my details into online quote forms; waiting on hold on the phone; repeating my details to the next operator I am passed to; re-entering my details into online quote forms. There are a number of factors that determine your risk factor and eligibility for insurance-

AGE

SEX

ADDRESS

EMPLOYMENT

DRIVING HISTORY

PREVIOUS POLICIES

There is a wonderfully mysterious equation which will take these factors, chew them up and give out a price- down to the penny- that reflects the probability of you being involved in an accident, causing an accident or having your vehicle stolen. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility for the all powerful QuoteForm. She is a despotic queen that rules with a silicon fist; it's her way or no highway.

She allows no explanation, no individual circumstance and no exceptions. Everything in her court is black and white, quantifiable and can be reduced down to cold, binary form. In her presence, you are also reduced down to this. Flattened out and spread across the boxes of the QuoteForm you see yourself 'on paper.' You are now formatted, system-compliant and ready to be posted through the 'Submit' portal. 

This is where my problems begin. The actual me-

27 year old Male living in a low crime street, working as a sound engineer with 9 points from 4 years ago. Has 3 years No Claims Bonus on a motorbike, a Cat C HGV licence, and 10 years on 5 different company car insurance policies with no accidents. 

The QuoteForm reduces this down to the On-Paper-Bridge-Williams-

27 year old Male living in a High Crime Area, working in Entertainment with 9 points and NO previous insurance history.

WARNING- What follows is an attempt to break down the machinations of this court. What are the exact cogs that turn me into a factor of probability? I warn you that upon reading it over, it is quite boring, wildly presumptuous and overly reductive....perfectly apt for it's subject.

I am 27 and I am male- that I cannot help. However my sex immediately puts me at a disadvantage. Straightaway we see the probability machine slice 65 million UK people into two camps. Male and Female; Probably reckless, Probably safe. Me and my 32.5 million dangerous brothers are herded through the same door.

I live in Birmingham, which at the last census claims to have a population of 1,016,800. So I'll crudely deduce that we are 508, 400 Males that are split from the group and herded through the Birmingham door. Now unfortunately for me, some of my 508, 399 brummy brothers are up to no good, as the probability machine has deemed the whole of Birmingham a high crime area.  Again the probability machine comes down and writes off 103 square miles as non-differential, crime-ridden hell.

So, what else sets me aside from my male herd, wandering our 103 square miles of danger? According to the QuoteForm, I work in 'Entertainment' which is a high risk sector. So -by my calculation*- 8,850 entertaining, male, victims of crime are herded through the next door.

Now, 3% of drivers are on 9 points. Half the population drives so...132 of us go through the next door.

Okay, so we've been narrowed down to 132 male, entertaining, speeding, victims of crime. This is an odd demographic to be in, the 0.000002% 

Maybe we should start a union.

*1.8 million employed in entertainment. I estimate at least the 0.8 million are in London. So that leaves the rest of us with 1 million people in entertainment. 

((Birmingham pop. (1,016,800)) / (UK pop.- London (57,443,100))) x 1 million=17,700,995 / 2 (male/female) =8,850

So we are some of the least liked subjects of Her Majesty the QuoteForm. We are an embarrassment to the court, a stain on it's flag. She wants nothing to do with us. We are politely asked to leave by one of her phone operators 

"I'm afraid you're ineligible for insurance with any of our brokers (you're dead to us, leave now....on foot)" 

The 0.000002%

 

The First Click

WARNING: The following entry has substituted all humour for dry, hard to follow, step by step instructions. If you are easily bored then you may want to sit this one out.

When I first went to view the SuperCamp, 21st January

Today, 6th March

My first target for Project SuperCamp was to have it Secure, Watertight and MOT'd. Today, I made big steps towards this goal. Short of a window in the back door, the SuperCamp is now secure and watertight; a single, yellow box. Both wheel arches are done and through some impressive balancing and metalwork skills I have fitted the back door.

What follows is an exhaustive journey through the mechanics of fitting the door. If you like revolving 3D CAD models, convoluted explanations of X and Y planes and over-enthusiastic metalwork sentiment then read on and enjoy. However, if you are one of those strange people who are not at all turned on by hinges, angle iron and relative positioning then I shall see you next time.

Two doors, one hole

Problem:  

a. I have two doors. One has glass in but has rusted beyond repair. The other is a bit rotten, but salvageable and has no glass and only one hinge...which will NOT come off.

b. The door frame has the old hinges attached, but they are rotten, seized and need replacing. The bolts attaching them are also seized.

This model shows the original design of how the hinges attach to the frame. 

The hinge does not bolt straight onto the frame. Instead, the bolts go through the frame into a plate. This clamps the frame between the hinge and the plate. All this is invisible from the outside as the frame is a double layer box section. There is no way of getting into the frame to the clamping plate. As the bolts were seized, my only choice was to cut away the whole section of the frame to remove the hinge and clamp plate together.

 Hinge removed, but must still chop away frame to remove clamping plate

Now there is effectively a hole in the frame where the hinges used to attach.

Solution:  

 The next model is my plan for attaching the the new hinges.

I will use a piece of Angle that will weld to the the frame, bridging the gap. Angle will have better strength and more welding area than a plate. This will compensate for any loss in strength through cutting into the frame.

Method: 

Drill holes in the Angle-

1. With relative positions matching up to the holes in the hinge. 

2.That correctly position the hinge (and the door) in relation to the frame once the Angle is welded on. 

Number 2. was done by precariously holding the door- with hinge attached - in the frame with the Angle sandwiched in position and then marking the position of hinge on the Angle.

Number 1. could not be done in this position as the hinge is closed and so the holes could not be reached.

Correct 1. and 2. positioning

Drilling the holes in the Angle

Once the Angle is welded into position, there will be no way to get to the nuts to secure the bolts, as they will be in the frame. Therefore I must weld the nuts onto the Angle in the correct position.

Nuts welded onto Angle

The door is then held in the position with both the hinge and Angle attached. This allows the Angle to be spot welded assuring it is in the correct position.

The door - and hinge - are then unattached, leaving the Angle in place. I have to remove the door in order to fully weld the Angle in position. 

Angle spot welded into position

Problem:In order the access the bolts for the hinge, the door must be in the open position. This door hinges from the top, which means undoing bolts whilst in the open position is rather difficult.

Solution:

The door-levitation-jig

The Angle is then welded onto the frame and the door attached permanently. Apart from some slight adjustments it worked pretty much first time. The first click shut once the handle and lock were attached was truly momentous. It was one of those moments when you don't quite know how you've pulled it off and one of the highlights of the project so far.

A Heat Sink

Reason for time between blogs- I am struggling to write anything more of worth on RelentlessSanding which occupies most of my time. This entry is about WheelArches which are much more fruitful.

What is a fad?

Recently, my time for the SuperCamp has been stretched. Work has that rather selfish habit of inflicting itself on me, to the detriment of things that I would much rather be doing. But like a human relationship, the bond between a man and his campervan must be nurtured, cultivated and given constant attention to stop it withering, dying or at best becoming bitter obligation. I don't want to be one of those couples sitting in silence in a restaurant. My hair receding, her headlamps dull and both of us dreaming of what could of been if eBay had not been invented.

But whether it be with people, activities or career I struggle to balance thirst for new experience, with staying power. And,

w  i  d  t  h    is of course no substitute for depth. 

I am capricious by nature. I become obsessed, plunge in with wallet in hand and then abruptly grow tired and discard them for the next thing whether it be Skydiving, LearningToBackflip or CollectingFightingFantasy books (all of which remain uncompleted). It is like my own endless stream of wedding dresses.

But what if the SuperCamp goes the same way!? What if I peter out and lose interest? Well unlike Rollerblading, ReadingSheetMusic or BecomingAnAccomplishedPhotgrapher (all of which remain uncompleted) the SuperCamp cannot just be thrown away or forgotten about. I am constantly reminded in the most vibrant of colours of my obligation towards her. If I don't finish her she will remain where she is, as a

Testament to Failure. 

A Monument to Flippancy. 

The Mother of all Wedding Dresses.

I put this flightiness down to the Sine wave of my internal movements, where the highs are high, the lows are low, and changes frequent. The SuperCamp though - despite my relentless personification - has none of this. It is, as far as I can tell, completely inanimate. In this sense it is like a huge HeatSink on my consciousness. I can arrive elated and excited to work on it but am soon leveled by it's blank indifference. Or I can arrive despondent and pessimistic about the whole project, but am again leveled by it's unsympathetic presence. It is still there, as sturdy as when I left it and completely unchanged by my mood. If I am a PetulantChild, she is my ApatheticParent.

Yes, I am stuck with the big yellow brute.

So, helpless as I am and carried forward on the tide of the project, along the MentalTimeline, I have set upon the WheelArches; the last frontier of the big welding jobs; the six-planed behemoths.

I have finally done it...a SuperCAD drawing...oh god...

Before - the WheelArch hole is averagely 7" wide. On one side of the width it is a right angle, on the other side it is a smooth curve. The length of the hole also covers a step like course.

The top edge of the gap is rippled and needed a bit of bashing and a bit of inventive clamping, to make a straight enough edge in order to get good welding contact.

Two make the curve across the width, I cut and overlapped across the 90˚ bend.

To straight-bend the patch in-situ, I scored it with an angle grinder, put on some mole grips...and folded.

I then kept adding planes down the staircase, welding as I go.

Welded

Painted

Next on the MentalTimeline is patching in the driver side WheelArch, followed closely by attaching the RearDoor, punctuated with relentless sanding of the bodywork.

Glasfaserverstärkter Kunststoff

What is a Three-Knuckle, Fixed-Pin, Portal Mechanism?

I have been tormented the past week by a hinge or, more to the point, the lack of one. In trying to track down the correct hinge with which to attach the back door of TheSuperCamp I have had to learn a lot about hinge terminology which, as subjects go, is pretty high on my ListOfShittestThingsToLearnAbout.

I now know what a ContinuousHinge is, a ButtHinge, a StrapHinge, a SpringHinge. If you were to ask me about a BackFlap hinge I would even have to ask you whether you meant a CrankedBackFlap or UncrankedBackFlap hinge and indeed if you were looking for a Loose or a FixedPin. I know what the Knuckle is and what an ANSI hole pattern looks like...and once again I refer you to my ListOfShittestThingsToLearnAbout.

A Three Knuckled Butt Hinge with 5mm Leaf.

You may be thinking to yourself "But a hinge is just a hinge" and I would have agreed with you this time last week. But since then I have had the odd experience of discovering a world of hinge enthusiasts and experts out there that would scoff at such a naive statement. In fact, such naivety led me to HingePurchaseNumberOne

The hinge to replace... and the replacement

What can I say? It looked much bigger in the eBay picture. Having been burned once I am now a much more savvy player in the hinge world and have tracked down this beast- HingePurchaseNumberTwo

The eBay listing reads-

These 4" Hinges with 6mm Leafs are the strongest available in this size. Don't settle for cheaper, thinner hinges if you have a heavy duty job to do. As the saying goes: "You get what you pay for" & you won't be disappointed with these babies.

This "baby" isn't for the faint hearted. It's not for the hinge tourist, this is 567kg of double-pressed pure portal-mechanism power.


What is Glasfaserverstärkter Kunststoff?

LeftRearCorner exterior

RightRearCorner Interior

The rear corners of TheSuperCamp, where the body meets the fibreglass roof, are rotten through. I don't even know quite how they could have gotten to this state. Whoever owned her before JennyPreviousOwner must have had a pretty serious leakage problem for a very long time. I can only imagine some kind of BuryYourHeadInGaffaSolution where CoveringUp is hand in hand with Hope.

My options to fix these gaping, vehicular travesties where-


1. Weld in patches...and hope

Welding would be a horrendous experience given the state and thickness of the existing metal and the fact the area bends across three planes. I can't take another WeldingDentInMyPride just yet.

2. Take out the whole corner and try to replace with one from a different vehicle...and hope

This would still need welding in and there would be no room for adjustment to fit into the roof

3. Fibreglass...and hope

This involves learning a new skill and doing a neat job in the process

4. Gaffa tape...and really hope.
After a morning of option 3, I was very close to going with this one


And so I began my fibreglass adventure

Research, Do, Make Mistakes, Research More, Redo 

Research

Fibreglass is made by the combination of polyester resin, hardener and glass fibre matting (ChoppedStrandMatting) The resin is about the same consistency and colour as hot syrup, though not nearly as delicious. Once combined with the hardener- the same hardener I have been using with the filler (also polyester based)- it starts to go off and you have a small timeframe to coat the matting and apply it. For the correct mix of resin to hardener, the manufacturer's instructions do away with conventional measuring terminology and instead opt for talk of peas and golf balls. As someone who has never been into gardening or golf, this is just one more hurdle. 

Do

The instructions on the packet are arrogantly brief and nowhere on the sterile diagrams do I see any swearing, sticky fingers or desperate weeping. I have provided an alternative

1. Make sure all surfaces are clean, dry and free from dirt and grease.

Try as best you can to get an angle grinder into all impossible corners, whilst not panicking at the amount of metal that is crumbling before your eyes.

2. Cut the correct sized piece of matting to cover the desired area

We're not going to tell you that it's much easier to work in small strips, so go ahead, cut one massive piece. Hey, maybe you will be the first ever person to do it.

3. Mix a pea sized amount of hardener to a golf ball sized amount of resin

Add a Smidgen of hardener to a Bit of resin..I think.

4. Brush the mixture onto the matting, making sure you work it right through.

Dip that brush in liquid plastic that's going to go off any minute now. You have got more brushes?

5. Place the coated matting on the area you wish to cover and wait to dry.

Put it in place and let it fall off onto your unsuspecting head. Now try again but this time holding it in place with your fingers. Don't worry, you've got all evening to pick plastic shards from underneath your fingernails....and out of your hair.

6. Drying time is 20mins

Drying time will be what ever is most inconvenient to you.

Make Mistakes

My plan was to fix aluminium mesh across the hole to give some strength and a surface to adhere to. I would then add the strips on the inside and use filler on the exterior.

I very nearly gave up after my first attempt. It was a miserable experience during which I learned three things

1. A paintbrush- despite being expressly recommended in the instructions -is the worst tool you can use as it is rendered useless as soon as the resin dries.

2. When on the underside of a roof, gravity and the push of aluminium mesh is a far greater force than that of the resin's stickiness

3. I will be covered in resin for the rest of my life

Research More

1. Use a flexible plastic spatula

2. Use small strips and hold in place until the resin hardens enough to hold itself

3. Wear gloves

Redo

LeftRearCorner exterior

RightRearCorner Interior

The fibreglass is essentially a rigid plastic when dry. It can then be sanded and filled. A downpour will be the true test, but aesthetically I am very pleased with the outcome.

First layer of filler

Mongrel Post

Very-nearly-filled-in passenger side

1. Today, I perfected the art of filling large areas. You apply a first layer and sand down any peaks that would be above finished height. The next layer, you do the same, again sanding down the peaks. Keep on so that with every layer you add, the average height of the surface increases. The last layer is a true 'filler' in that you are filling in small pinholes in the surface. So far, this is contrary to every piece of advice I have heard, but in an infinite universe there is still a possibility that I could be right and the rest of the world is wrong..

2. Last week, I found this video on Youtube showing a beautifully restored Hanomag. Can you spot any difference in the two?

I have contacted the FellowOwner and hopefully we are going to arrange a meeting. It will be very helpful to get some advice from someone who has already done this journey. 

This is the great thing about the internet. I can find out everything I need to know about working on TheSuperCamp, I can tell the world about it and also find other people doing the same.

3.The internet has also shown me this. It is exactly the same model as TheSuperCamp but fully finished and going for £1000... with no bids. This is incredibly cheap and either means that

a. there is something wrong that I am missing; 
b. that it is badly listed; 
c. that me and FellowOwner are really the only people who want to own one.

4. North America has now overtaken the UK as the largest audience of this blog, 

Go USA!

I am Jack's Motivation

Now is the time of year where we traditionally get snow, cold, ice, sleet, snow, cold and snow. This does not so much put a dampener on my work on TheSuperCamp, as an icepack down it's trousers. I am impotent in my wish to stroke (grind) tickle (sand) and caress (weld) TheSuperCamp. 

The current climate has a two fold effect. One is a physical impact on my work- filler, sealant and other substances freeze in cold or at least don't enjoy being 'worked' at that temperature.        Much like me        The other is an impact on my enthusiasm to go and work on her. 

One of the reasons I have embarked on this adventure is that I have only ever owned a motorbike as transport and after years of barely surviving winters, I am ready for a bit of comfort. But, until she is launched, I am still very much on my bike, enduring the 20 minute ride to TheSuperCamp in snow and zero temperatures, which does not often seem very appealing from my warm, girlfriended bed. Especially when it looks like this-

But, us Englishmen are a hardy bunch and a little snow and piles won't stop me from my mission. So I peel myself from my bed and get to TheSuperCamp -

The motorcycle journey is valuable time to make a ToDoList. This is easy on a bike as, more so than in a car, you can zone out. In a car you daydream but you are always aware that you are sitting in a car operating controls. There is no physical sensations, you are just you, sitting in a metal box. On a bike, you are fixed in a position and the world is restricted to the view through a visor. You cannot see yourself and you cannot feel yourself but for the vibrations of the bike running through you. On a bike you are sort of CancelledOut. And just as we normally think of 'me' in 'my body' looking out through the eyes, the bike is your body and the visor the eyes of this strange symbiotic creature. In this way you can think effortlessly and it may be a grand explanation of how to formulate a ToDoList, but it works.

You need to add the next layer of filler to the passenger side bottom sill

Slight lean right

You need to red oxide the passenger footwell

Look left, decelerate

You need to measure up for a new rear door hinge

clutch, gear, accelerate

You need to seam seal the interior sill weld

lean, straighten up, gear,

You need to weld the corner of the wheel arch

So you make the ToDoList, zoom right in to TheMentalTimeline and you see them, already there, in the order that makes most sense. This is all very elegant in theory, until you actually touch down in the frozen tundra where TheSuperCamp is the closest thing there is to a sun. Once 'on the ground' it's a race between action and inaction. Inaction seeps in and fogs up TheMentalTimeline, you can't put anything in any order and so you see everything at once,

the task seems too big. 

A classic trigger for this is when you are short of materials or tools. "I need to do this, but the welder has run out of gas" and "I can't do this bit, before I weld that bit" and "I need this part, before I can do that bit, before I can weld that part" It is disheartening sometimes to see my tendency towards this spiral.

The trick is to have the first task of the day set in stone and get straight on it. As soon as you are working, TheMentalTimeline takes care of itself. Here is an example. On Thursday I touched down with the straight intention of sanding off and refilling a particular part of TheSuperCamp. As soon as I arrived I got straight to it and then before you know it I had repaired the corner of the passenger side FrontWheelArch and it was the end of the day. Whilst filling and sanding, my mind wandered along the Timeline, found it's next task and I mechanically drifted along to it. It got done without me interfering with my highly disruptive, SpiralingMildPanic.

Front n/s wheel arch where upright -should- meet baseframe

New Upright

Patch the wheel arch, and it's done!

New sill

So as we stand, TheSuperCamp now has 

1. A complete line of sills across the three sections of the passenger side at different stages of filling.

2. A repaired FrontWheelArchCorner

3. A completely finished, oxided PassengerFootwell. And what a lovely picture to finish on.

It bubbles up

(It has been a few days since my last entry so this one is rather long. To hopefully grab your attention straight away. Listen to my attempt to get TheSuperCamp onto BBC Radio 2) 

 

Where am I?

I have found it interesting how, with a project of this size, your mind breaks it down into sizable chunks and orders them in some kind of MentalTimeline. At first I stood at the beginning of the MentalTimeline looking forward into miles of rust and rot. At this point it is hard to discern anything of the line ahead. It is too wide, long and hard even to tell where to place your first step. But slowly the first move sort of presents itself to you if you hang around for long enough.  

You should probably get the engine going reliably

This starts as a wide statement, but you have to break it down further, zoom in.

You should probably diagnose why it isn't starting reliably

 Done, it was a flat battery

You should probably charge the battery and try again

Done, but now it won't start again

You should probably spend some time on the internet to work out why

Done, by the looks of it, it might be the alternator

You should probably research ways to test it then

Done, it is charging, but at a very low rate

and so on.....you already know this part of the story. 

From here, as long as you have started at a vaguely logical point, all you have to do is answer each question that arises. Suddenly, before you know it, you have embarked on the MentalTimeline. Once you are a few steps in you are granted the privilege of not only looking forward into the Timeline, but also from the side where you see your current point in context with what has come before and what is coming next. From here it is then much easier to see future phases that although are too far away to have any detail, you at least see their order in relation to each other.

GET THE ENGINE GOING      GET IT WATERTIGHT        GET IT SECURE   

So, whilst working on the engine, the next phase presented itself-

You should probably get it watertight

(zooooom in)

You should probably remove all exterior fittings to assess how bad it is

Done...oh god.

You should probably grind away the loose rust to find good metal

Done...oh god

You should probably decide what needs patch welding and what just needs filling

and so on.....

So this is where I am. Tackling the mammoth that is TheSuperCamp bodywork. With the usual cycle of

DecideWhatINeedToKnow     ResearchWhatINeedToKnow

DoWhatI'veLearntUntilIComeUpAgainstTheNextThingIDon'tKnowHowToDo

I have assembled a crack team of vital materials-

Seamsealer- flexible, waterproof sealer for 'pinholes' in welds. Mine are more 'spearholes'
Angle Grinder with WireBrush Attachment- for violent war on rust
Body Filler- I estimate TheSuperCamp will eventually be at least 40% filler.
Low Grit Sandpaper- for sanding back and shaping the filler
Red Oxide- anti-oxidant paint (rust proofing)

Welded on a new sill, added first layer of filler

All that it requires is starting at one end and slowly removing rust, filling it, sanding it, filling it again, sanding it again, applying red oxide.

Suddenly all that matters again is your next small step on the MentalTimeline and they are easy steps to make. In the evenings I can zoom out and let the next phase bubble up and do the appropriate research.




What about the WeldingDentInMyPride?

After a miserable attempt at welding (see previous blog), I set down to practice for about an hour in good conditions and actually improved. This spurred me on to attempt one of the bigger welding jobs- the PassengerFootwell. Like many things, the WeldingDentInMyPride was much ado about nothing.

Missing

Templating

Cutting

Welding

So now as I work away slowly on bodywork and its constituent parts of welding and filling, I can let my mind drift to the next phase of the MentalTimeline...Getting it Secure. This means reattaching the back door, which has it's own box of troubles.....