The 0.000002%

There are many reasons for the lengthy absence from this blog. There have been ups and there have been downs, but fear not! The SuperCamp is still here. What follows is one of the big Downs since my last entry.....

The Supercamp is fine as a project in my head. The only arbiter to it's success, failure or possibility is me. I can dream a dream, bounce it off this blog and everything is possible. The problem is that if I want this dream to ever leave storage and actually sail the highways, there are quite a few hoops to jump through. Hoops that care not for vehicular romanticism or overblown sentiment.  

These hoops only care for hard facts.

"Do the wheels stay on?"
"What are wheels, but the waves upon which my dream sails?"

"Is there more than 25% difference in braking power between the two front brakes?"

"How can you quantify love?"

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

"But my exact employment isn't in your drop down menu"

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

"You're not listening..."

"Your current employment makes you ineligible for insurance"

These hoops are anti-dreams and buzz-killers.

My main gripe is with insurance companies. I have spent an inordinate amount of time entering my details into online quote forms; waiting on hold on the phone; repeating my details to the next operator I am passed to; re-entering my details into online quote forms. There are a number of factors that determine your risk factor and eligibility for insurance-

AGE

SEX

ADDRESS

EMPLOYMENT

DRIVING HISTORY

PREVIOUS POLICIES

There is a wonderfully mysterious equation which will take these factors, chew them up and give out a price- down to the penny- that reflects the probability of you being involved in an accident, causing an accident or having your vehicle stolen. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility for the all powerful QuoteForm. She is a despotic queen that rules with a silicon fist; it's her way or no highway.

She allows no explanation, no individual circumstance and no exceptions. Everything in her court is black and white, quantifiable and can be reduced down to cold, binary form. In her presence, you are also reduced down to this. Flattened out and spread across the boxes of the QuoteForm you see yourself 'on paper.' You are now formatted, system-compliant and ready to be posted through the 'Submit' portal. 

This is where my problems begin. The actual me-

27 year old Male living in a low crime street, working as a sound engineer with 9 points from 4 years ago. Has 3 years No Claims Bonus on a motorbike, a Cat C HGV licence, and 10 years on 5 different company car insurance policies with no accidents. 

The QuoteForm reduces this down to the On-Paper-Bridge-Williams-

27 year old Male living in a High Crime Area, working in Entertainment with 9 points and NO previous insurance history.

WARNING- What follows is an attempt to break down the machinations of this court. What are the exact cogs that turn me into a factor of probability? I warn you that upon reading it over, it is quite boring, wildly presumptuous and overly reductive....perfectly apt for it's subject.

I am 27 and I am male- that I cannot help. However my sex immediately puts me at a disadvantage. Straightaway we see the probability machine slice 65 million UK people into two camps. Male and Female; Probably reckless, Probably safe. Me and my 32.5 million dangerous brothers are herded through the same door.

I live in Birmingham, which at the last census claims to have a population of 1,016,800. So I'll crudely deduce that we are 508, 400 Males that are split from the group and herded through the Birmingham door. Now unfortunately for me, some of my 508, 399 brummy brothers are up to no good, as the probability machine has deemed the whole of Birmingham a high crime area.  Again the probability machine comes down and writes off 103 square miles as non-differential, crime-ridden hell.

So, what else sets me aside from my male herd, wandering our 103 square miles of danger? According to the QuoteForm, I work in 'Entertainment' which is a high risk sector. So -by my calculation*- 8,850 entertaining, male, victims of crime are herded through the next door.

Now, 3% of drivers are on 9 points. Half the population drives so...132 of us go through the next door.

Okay, so we've been narrowed down to 132 male, entertaining, speeding, victims of crime. This is an odd demographic to be in, the 0.000002% 

Maybe we should start a union.

*1.8 million employed in entertainment. I estimate at least the 0.8 million are in London. So that leaves the rest of us with 1 million people in entertainment. 

((Birmingham pop. (1,016,800)) / (UK pop.- London (57,443,100))) x 1 million=17,700,995 / 2 (male/female) =8,850

So we are some of the least liked subjects of Her Majesty the QuoteForm. We are an embarrassment to the court, a stain on it's flag. She wants nothing to do with us. We are politely asked to leave by one of her phone operators 

"I'm afraid you're ineligible for insurance with any of our brokers (you're dead to us, leave now....on foot)" 

The 0.000002%